Signs of Healthy Boundaries

Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

• Appropriate trust

• Trusting no one...trusting everyone ...black and white thinking.

• Revealing a little bit of yourself at a time, then checking to see how others are responding to your sharing.

• Tell all.

• Moving step by step into intimacy.

• Talking on an intimate level at first meeting.

• Putting a new acquaintance on hold until you check for compatibility.

• Falling in love with new acquaintances, falling in love with anyone who reaches out.

• Staying focused on your own growth.

• Being overwhelmed by a person -- preoccupied.

• Weighing the consequences before acting on sexual impulse.

• Acting on first sexual impulse.

• Being sexual when you want to be sexual -- concentrating largely on your own pleasure rather than monitoring the reactions of your partner.

• Being sexual for partner, not self.

• Maintaining personal values despite what others want.

• Going against personal values or rights to please others.

• Noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

• Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

• Asking a person before touching him/her.

• Touching a person without asking.

• Respect for others, not taking advantage of someone’s generosity.

• Taking as much as you can for the sake of getting.

• Self-respect: not giving too much in hope that someone will like you.

• Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.

• Not allowing someone to take advantage of our generosity.

• Allowing someone to take as much as s/he can from you.

• Trusting your own decisions.

• Letting others direct your life.

• Defining your truth as you see it.

• Letting others describe your reality.

• Knowing who you are and what you want.

• Letting others define you.

• Recognizing that friends and partners are not mind readers.

• Believing others can anticipate your needs.

• Clearly communicating your wants and needs and recognizing that you may be turned down.

• Expecting others to fulfill your needs automatically.

• Becoming your own loving caregiver.

• Falling apart so someone will take care of you.

• Talking to yourself with gentleness, humor, love and respect.

• Self-abuse, sexual, physical abuse and/or food abuse.

• Saying “no” to food, gifts, touch, sex you don’t want.

• Accepting good, gifts, touch, sex that you don’t want.