Why are we here?

About six years ago (I think? Covid-19-forced anti-socialization protocols for 2020 destroyed any sense of time I previously possessed), I was invited to join the board of directors of Anna Marie’s Alliance.  Now you may or may not be aware, but one of the most common bits of advice given to young attorneys (and, by the way, don’t hold back on the attorney jokes  ̶  I’ve heard them all, and love them) for building their practice is to get out in the community, join nonprofit boards, and, essentially, “be visible”.  So, why, then, did I join the board of a nonprofit which, at the time, was essentially trying to remain hidden from the public eye?

Back in 2015, AMA’s shelter was essentially the best kept secret of downtown St. Cloud.  I legitimately had no idea where the shelter was. The website certainly didn’t disclose it. The nature of the board’s work at that time was far less public than it is today, and I definitely wasn’t going to be getting any press for being involved with this organization. So why did I accept the invitation to devote time, energy, talent, and my own resources to helping out a domestic violence shelter when it seemed pretty clear that none of the personal benefits associated with that traditional advice that all young attorneys receive were going to be found here?  Well, because of the sad and painful truth that the work being done by AMA is absolutely essential to society today.

In my professional life, I practice almost exclusively in the realm of family law. That’s a rather broad subject range, but what it realistically means is that 80 percent of my time is taken up with divorce and child custody work.

That other 20 percent has a lot of stuff mixed in, but a depressingly large part of it involves seeking protection orders for victims of domestic abuse. It’s amazing, honestly, how hidden this part of our world can be. Abuse comes in a variety of forms, some far more overt than others, and it often happens at the hands of people you would never expect. 

I recall one particular court hearing; I was working for a young woman referred to me by a shelter advocate at AMA. She had compelling photographs and stories to back up her claims that the man on the other side of the court room had done some truly unspeakable things to her. Despite this, the courtroom demeanor of that man was calm, quiet, respectful, and unimposing. I even questioned the reality of my client’s story a little bit… until he lost.

The judge issued a verdict in favor of protecting my client, and in that second, a switch flipped. That calm demeanor was replaced by a wild, violent outburst of screaming and flailing limbs. It is the only time in my career that I’ve had to watch a bailiff restrain a litigant and physically remove him from the courtroom. Now, if that’s what I got to see in a public space with police officers present… imagine what on earth this man was doing behind closed doors.

I do this work and support the shelter in every way I can because it is necessary.

In the years since I originally joined the board, the manner in which the organization seeks to fulfill its mission has broadened, dramatically. The Center for Family Peace was built to enhance our educational arm, an addition to the variety of community outreach projects AMA engages in. We know that it simply isn’t enough just to protect victims of domestic violence  ̶  we have to stop the cycle, and prevent it from occurring in the first place.  We have to educate children so they understand how to have appropriate relationships, how to maintain boundaries, and what is and isn’t OK when it comes to how we treat people who share our homes.

Why are we here? The fact is, we are here because Anna Marie’s Alliance is necessary.

I hope someday that is no longer the case, but until then, I’ll be here, working with the amazing staff and executives of AMA to make sure we do everything in our power to bring about a world where no one is afraid to go home; where no child learns it is ok to abuse their spouse financially, emotionally, or physically; where our buildings are allowed to crumble to dust because there is nobody who needs to occupy them.

Please help us create that world  ̶  we can’t do it without you.